Those magical three words sum up my positivity.
I have had my worst days, it was to me the moment everything good in life’s gone. By saying that, I mean they are gone forever from me, left me behind with difficulty and struggles: the worry of how to pay the bills when my balance was at 0, the worry of what would happen if I could not send home money to support my family. Those days when I lost my job, the sky felt under my feet. I felt as if if there is tomorrow, could it please come as slow as possible?
But, life goes on, tomorrow comes as quick as a blink of an eye.
I didn't stay still not doing anything, I went to job interviews, freelancing some projects.
Things get better.
The day when my first ever breakup happened to me, it was the day I felt the word "sinking" even when I am sitting in the office doing works. I was shattered and scared. Love in that story ended when I realised everything was a delusion, an illusion of L.O.V.E, a distraction that put on a well make up as concentration. Love was not there in the beginning but there it was a plan to manipulate my naive. It was a lie. The realization hit me hard a few times, I stopped making excuses for it and for him. But the pain was too hard it haunted me, it left me a question: "does love exist really?". I would never have loved again, I said.
And, life goes on. I met a man who loves me dearly.
The aftershock helped me to remember this one thing: no one will ever love you more than yourself. As soon as you know how to love yourself, the love you receive from the other significant will be easily recognisable for you and you will know how to treasure it right way.
Friends, I have had a few. Now, it's a handful of them that I am having. I loved them, truly and dearly, until they proved me wrong. It sounded salty and bitter because it was. Giving them everything I had, selflessly, carelessly, was the mistake I would never repeat. Well, it doesn't stop me from being a giver. I still give, with careful consideration, and I make sure when I give my valuable helps or whatever to the person who knows the word "Appreciation", who deserves my giving the most.
I understand we have to accept the goods and the bads when it comes to relationships and friendships, no one is perfect by any mean. But disappointments come when I least expect from someone and it hurts. Those are things I don't think I would accept. Also, I understand in adversity of theirs or mine, people showed their true colors. Some colours were too dark I had to refuse to take on me. Speaking of colours, some fits me, some doesn't, so it does from me to you. The thing is, it is an unfortunate that we can't communicate to compromise. Maybe the friendship isn't really worthwhile as much as it is to me. We couldn't fight for it. So, I let you go.
I am upset to know when I needed them the most, no one was around. I was disappointed with myself for being too available when they needed me even when I was extremely busy with my struggles in life, but those were just disappointments, it too shall past. I appreciate their presences in the past and now, they taught me invaluable lessons as how to be a friend, how not to be, and what does friendship means. Thank you for being there a bit, sorry if I upset you sometimes. Let's move on.
The day everything in my life turned upside down, I was my own listener in the sorrow hours, in my dark room, tears felt down my cheeks, I wiped it, it was too wet and I couldn't stand the wetness, so I dry it out, clean it up, I have to move on.
I don't allow and I can't sit next to them anymore. I should be upset at myself instead, because they are now forever no longer my friends.
However, life goes on. I have come to a realization that having no friends or a friend or two is not a big deal. I treasure my friends who stick with me through thick and thin, who is still fighting to keep the friendship together with me. Thank you, I love you friends.
To me, friends, it means best friend: the friend you can share literally everything with, who is your loyal but rational sidekick, your partner in crimes, the person will stick with you through everything, through thick, through thin, through medium rare, through shits, through gold. They also make sure you are aware of your stupidity and your blindspot, to stay humble, and they know how to do that without being your another parents.
Timing is what I also learned for good things to happen, it is just the matter of time for me to meet that one friend. I'm waiting with time for the right friend to come along and enjoy life together to the fullest.
Because life goes on.
I don’t look back, I don’t hold grudges, I don’t give much of my attention to what happened in the past that broke me down because it will hold me back doing it. Of course, I did learn my lessons hard before I moved on, a lot to share, too much to mention. In short, failures can’t make it say my name, and errors won’t put me down as a person. Compassion and sympathetic were the two things among a lot of things being failed at life taught me hard, make sure I remember everything.
So, how do I get my life going? I laugh as much as I can, at the old same silly thing, I am happy reminisce of the good memories, I giggle at the jokes that poked fun at myself, and etc... sometimes just by doing that, it lightens up my days.
I don't forget to stay true to my feelings. I feel upset sometimes. I always give myself a critical time and deadline to be upset about things that go wrong. Of course, not when anyone is around.
As I grow, I realize this one line that also helps me going through all the hard times and adversity: this too shall pass.
And you will have to give it the best shot, do the best thing, try the hardest in everything you will do I have to have the right to say "this too shall pass"
Life goes on.